My Husband Is a Good Man. But at Home, He Acts Like a Clueless Intern.

I have a new talk out called Men: Navigating Everything. This talk was birthed out of the growing terms searched on my website such as how to be a better father, or how to be a better husband, and numerous other variations of this. I was searching for material for my talk this week and came across this article. Before you write me and tell me to stop bashing men I would just say that there has to be a place where we can challenge men to be better men while at the same time not bash men, or enable bad behaviour. I found the content in this article worth a read.

While my outside appearance is demure, I’m tempted to tell him where he can actually put it. It drives me insane that he thinks it’s my job to know, but what bothers me even more is my own role in fostering this frustrating cycle of dependency. I worry that while I’m trying to raise decisive, independent kids, I’m inadvertently encouraging my partner’s infuriating tendency to cast me as household CEO. And I resent myself just as much for continuing to play into it.

It casts the issue in a different light, but shadows remain: His belief that asking me what goes where about cookware and baby clothes is unrelated to traditional gender roles buttresses his argument that I’m seeing something that isn’t there. My husband, who also owns and proudly wears a t-shirt reading, “This is What a Feminist Looks Like,” seems to overlook the fact that he still treats details as “women’s work.” He doesn’t have the nanny’s phone number. He’s coordinated a play date exactly once (I was out of town). He’ll ask me if we are out of milk as he’s staring into the refrigerator, checking for milk. (Do you see milk in there?! DO YOU? SEE? MILK?)

He should know when the pediatrician’s appointments are, which days the kid is in preschool, and where to find the Pyrex baking dish, even if he has to open his notes app to recall. He doesn’t.

I think there is always room for improvement in how we are at home. This article might be great for some of us to see some areas we can improve. I love the quote that says