New talk on dating: Need your Help!

New talk on dating: Need your Help!

In the past few years I have created new talks on sex (The Sex Talk) and pornography (The Porn Project). In both of these cases dating is a must have conversation. I have had a dating talk ( that is presently on Youtube (click here for the talk).

I feel that this talk needs a complete update. Here is where I can use your help. I would love to hear:

  1. any thoughts on dating
  2. great quotes on dating
  3. any current stats you have heard on dating
  4. any good podcasts or sermon series you have seen on dating
  5. any great books on dating
  6. anything you think I need to cover in a talk on dating
  7. any youtube clips on dating
  8. any movies (documentaries) on dating
  9. any funny dating stories
  10. my last talk was called Any thoughts on a new title?

If you could share this around so it reaches as many people as possible it would be a big help. I want to hear thoughts and ideas from all ages and stages of people.

Thanks for any help.

About The Author

Brett Ullman

Brett Ullman travels North America speaking to teens, young adults, leaders, and parents on topics including parenting, mental health, sexuality, pornography, men, dating and media. Brett's seminars engage and challenge attendees to try and connect our ancient faith with our modern culture we live in. Participants are inspired to reflect on what we know, what we believe and how our faith ought to serve as the lens through which we view and engage tough conversations in our society today.


  1. Janis Daichendt

    Hi again Brett. Dr. Neil Clark Warren, the founder of, has a book called “Falling in Love for all the Right Reasons” (How to Find Your Soul Mate). In it, he goes through the 29 areas that they use for screening and then bringing together people on eHarmony, and also discusses red flags that should indicate that a relationship should not continue, etc. I found the contents of the book to be very good for those who are looking for a life partner, and will be using the dating process as they do so. It can provide a framework for as you are dating—bringing to light things you should be looking for compatibility in, allowing you to recognize where differences lie and knowledgably making decisions about whether those differences are workable for a lifetime relationship, etc. Most young people who are dating would benefit tremendously from having the contents of this book echoing in their minds as they get to know someone. So I would recommend that you read this book and consider using its contents in your talk, and also recommend that you recommend this book to young people who will be dating (wow, that was a lot of recommends in one sentence!).
    Sincerely, Janis Daichendt

  2. Chris

    Hey Brett,

    One of the best talks I have heard is called “The New Rules for Love, Sex, and Dating” by Andy Stanley.

    As far as things to cover: When I was a youth pastor, I really tried to talk about what guys and girls should expect. In my experience guys have no idea how to treat women and see them, even deep down, as objects. This is no thanks to music, music videos, TV, movies, billboards, magazines and of course porn. What surprised me even more was how much, again even deep down, girls bought into this. I tried to help guys see that women are not objects but amazing people, never mind creations of God. I tried to show girls that guys can love them, care for them, and want what is best for them and not just lust after them. I also tried to show them that lust does not make for a long term relationship.

  3. Marisa

    I’m the mother of 4 grown daughters. Our family standard for dating was based on our own experience (we got hurt as well as hurt others), some books (“I Kissed Dating Goodbye” partially) & a lot of prayer & a lot of inter-family conversation. Those standards were no dating until age 18 & graduated from high school & then only Christians. The perspective is: 1) You aren’t old enough to legally marry until age 18 & a life long relationship is the eventual purpose of dating so what’s the point? 2) Protecting our daughter from spiritual, emotional & physical involvements that become baggage to carry on in life — applies to hurting the young man as well. 3) The choice at age 16 or 18 or 20 is not necessarily the mature choice of spouse. 4) Pursuing the Lord, an education, travel, work experience are all valuable life lessons & pursuits rather than seeking a relationship/spouse ahead of other worthwhile goals. So how did it turn out? Because we had many conversations, not lectures but clear guidelines as well as interchange, our daughters did not rebel against this. They all said they recognized the wisdom of it as well as felt protected by our rules. It took away the pressure to date in high school — one actually said “Thank you.” Our oldest daughter & the young man she eventually married after college graduation came to us a week after high school for our blessing. Our second daughter married a young man two years after university. Our youngest daughters, in their early 20’s, are pursuing educational goals as well as serving in short term missions. Important to whatever standards a family has are starting young (preschool and onward) with your rules, many reasonable explanations/conversations and prayer. The instructions in Deuteronomy 6 especially verses 6-9 are the key to your children following in the faith & in the way you want to lead them including dating. We often recounted the miracles & answers to prayer that God did for us. We’d take turns remembering when God healed one of our daughters at birth & healed me in pregnancy, when He provided my husband with unmistakable favour in getting & keeping his job, when He provided tuition supernaturally, etc. This builds your kids’ faith & help make God real to THEM. (Sorry, went slightly off topic at the end.)


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