Brett.Ullman

Category - dating

How to be a better Father, Husband, and Boyfriend: The Man Talk

Numerous times each year I get a chance to come to churches and conferences and do a talk for guys. I thought I would post my entire talk: the Man Talk on youtube. Please share this with any guys you know.

The Man Talk is what it sounds like – a discussion about what it’s like to be a Man today. It’s a real talk, a meat, and potatoes approach to issues pressing us from all sides:

Being the best Father I can be.
What it’s like to be a Husband and a Servant.
Christian men and sex.

Boyfriend. Father. SON. Husband. Lover. Fixer. Buddy. Servant. Sexual. Boss. Hero. Boys Adrift. Friend. Guide. Daddy. Courageous. Loyal. Theirs. Mine.

Everybody needs a good talk at some point. And, this is one for you. Everyone’s welcome to the man talk ‚Äď ladies, no jeering. We’re working on a talk for you too ūüėČ

Real Men who aren’t afraid to talk about Man stuff, and who are better for it.

If you would like to bring me in to speak this talk to your guys just send me a message or visit my website

Dating Bill of Rights and Responsibilities – Thoughts?

I am working on creating a dating bill of rights and responsibilities. I have taken the first run at this and thought I would post and see if people can give me some thoughts. What am I missing? Anything that needs to be deleted? My goal is to make this into a printable PDF for new dating couples to sign as they begin to date.

At the beginning of a new relationship, I think it is really important to outline what is expected from both parties in that dating relationship. It outlines not only what are your rights in dating but what are also your responsibilities in a dating relationship as well.

In this dating relationship, I have the right to:

  1. Leave this relationship at any time. I have the right to not be guilted to stay or threatened to stay in a relationship that I want to leave
  2. Not be physically abused in any way, shape or form
  3. Not be emotionally abused. I have the right not to be verbally abused by someone whom I am dating. Words like stupid, worthless, ugly, fat and others will not be tolerated
  4. I have the right to set sexual boundaries of the beginning of the relationship and I expect these boundaries to be respected.
  5. I have the right to never be coerced, threatened, or forced to do anything sexually that I do not want to do
  6. I have the right not have my dating partner act jealous or possessive
  7. I have the right to not be stopped from seeing family and other friends
  8. I have the right to always be treated with the deepest respect in this relationship
  9. I have the right to be in a healthy, encouraging, supportive dating relationship
  10. I have the right to be treated as an equal in this relationship
  11. I have the right not to be cheated on

In this dating relationship I:

  1. Pledge to not stay in this dating relationship when I know it will not be moving forward
  2. Control my own anger and frustrations and never physically abuse the person I am dating
  3. I pledge to work hard to control any negative talk that comes out of my mouth especially words that can hurt the person I am dating
  4. Will set out sexual boundaries at the beginning of the relationship and I would work hard at not putting my the person I am dating in situations which might make these boundaries be tested
  5. I will never coerce, threaten or force the person I am dating to go anywhere, wear anything, do anything that they do not choose to do
  6. Will work hard to not make my partner jealous by what I am doing
  7. Will have a balanced life seeing both the person I am dating as well as family and friends. I will not isolate myself only being with the person I am dating
  8. I will treat the person I am dating with the utmost respect.
  9. I will work hard at creating an atmosphere that is healthy, encouraging and supportive
  10. I will always treat my dating partner as an equal
  11. I will put boundaries in my life so that I will not fall to the temptation of cheating on my dating partner. If I decide to be with someone else I will break up before moving forward with another relationship
  12. I pledge to get counsel from my family, friends, teachers, pastors and other people giving me leadership in my life to work on all aspects of my emotional, physical, and spiritual well being
  13. Accept responsibility for my own actions. If I hurt the person I am dating in any way I will look at seeking forgiveness and healing that rift I make have caused. If needed I will seek counselling to get help to be a better person.

Thanks for any thoughts

Brett Ullman: Presentations ‚Äď dating.for.life the questions

As I enter my 20th year speaking I thought I would take some time over the next week to go over each of the talks that I have. My talks are heavily researched and I am updating my talks all the time.

Talk title: dating.for.life – the questions

Why would you bring me into your church, school or conference to speak this talk?¬†‚ÄďIf you asked many teenagers and young adults what conversation they want more information on dating would rank up near the top. All students from Jr High onward think that they need to start dating and people really don’t have any basic dating philosophy or plan.

I have on older talk on dating on YouTube:

After speaking this talk for many years I recently redid the entire talk and now have new version called “The Questions”

Talk Description:

In this new update of my dating for life talk I have gone back to the basics. In this new talk I answer 8 questions on dating:

  1. What is dating?
  2. When should I start dating?
  3. Am I ready to start dating?
  4. How do I start dating?
  5. What are Red Flags in my dating relationships?
  6. How do I find out if they are the ‚ÄúOne‚ÄĚ?
  7. How do I break up?
  8. What if they are the right person for me?

Simple and practical conversations on dating for High School and Young Adults.

What environments can this talk be done in?

  • Youth Group night or special parents night or students/parents combined session
  • Conference
  • Camp
  • Schools (Private Christian or Catholic Schools)

Dating.for.life: The Questions
I presently have this talk as an online course until we can film it later this year.

If you would like more information or would like to book me for a talk please email me at brett@brettullman.com.

Heading into my 20th year speaking… can you help?

As I head into fall 2017, I am excited to begin my 20th year as a speaker. I am honoured to have had ongoing opportunities to speak across Canada and the US for 2 decades on topics like mental health, media, sexuality, pornography, dating, and men.¬†Thank you so much to the hundreds of people, likely including you reading this now, who have supported us both financially and with prayer over the past 20 years. I could never have dreamed up how far this ministry has come since first starting out. As my wife now tells me, “I was terrible”! However now, I see daily the fruit of mine and others investments when students and parents gain new perspectives and hope from one of my talks.

The favourite parts of my job are researching, creating presentations and then to deliver those presentations in order to challenge people to connect their ancient faith with this modern world. I want to encourage¬†my listeners to “enter the danger” on topics that may be difficult to work through. In these confusing times, we need Christ centered perspectives and intelligent insights into current matters more than ever. The students we are mentoring are looking to us to help them navigate these topics and we all need better equipping. ¬†One of my least favourite things I need to do is fundraising. ¬†One of the least liked, shared or commented on posts that I put on social media are about fundraising. The hard part with this is that for a non-profit organization like Worlds Apart, fundraising is necessary for our functioning. ¬†As a small charity, our funds come in from 3 sources

40% – speaking engagement honorariums
40% – tax receiptable donations/fundraising
20% – sales of books, DVD’s, digital downloads

For this ministry year, I am looking forward to these projects below:

  1. Creation of a App to be used before, during, and after my speaking engagements
  2. Filming the new dating.for.life presentation
  3. Filming the media.faith.culture talk for students and parents
  4. Updating aging technology

I’d like to tell you more about each project in the hopes that one or more of them may interest you specifically and you may be prompted to give.

(1) Brett Ullman Speaking App I have the chance to speak to tens of thousands of students, parents, and leaders each year. One of my struggles is how to engage people attending my talks better both before, during and after my talks. An app will allow me to help people with taking notes during the presentations, live polling and resourcing people in all aspects of my talks. My talks are meant to spur people into deeper, more intentional thinking and providing an app to support the talks will provide more easily accessible information to the audience. This is in keeping with current technology trends in society today.

Total needed for App $5000

(2) Filming new dating.for.life talk. The demand for my talks outweighs my abilities to go in person to every audience. With the talks being filmed, we are able to get these out to people digitally (Vimeo on Demand and on DVD). Our past talks that we have filmed have been bought in countries all over the world which is really exciting as many of those places would not be able to afford to fly me in. I want to reach as many people as possible with true, hope filled conversation. With each DVD/digital download sold, more people are taught and more income is generated to sustain this ministry. To film, edit, print DVD’s, and create a trailer for the dating talk, I need to raise $7,500.

(3) Filming media.faith.culture talk. This is one of my most popular talks that I do challenging people in all aspects of our media choices, faith growth and engaging our culture. It would be amazing to get this talk available to people. Similarly to the dating talk, we need to raise $7,500 for this project. I would love to film this talk in Winter 2018.

Total needed for filming of both talks $15,000

(4) Technology: now this is not an exciting place for fundraising but technology is also something I use daily in my office or when I am speaking. Presently my laptop is almost 6 years old and my desktop is 5 1/2 years old. When I am speaking I need a current, functioning laptop will be able to be used for my presentations without any issues. My data projector is also aging at 8 years old. One of the reasons I am able to keep the attention of students so well is my use of technology to connect with them.

What I need in the technology area

  1. iMac – This is the main computer I use for all aspects of my work when I am not on the road speaking. Cost ~$3,000
  2. MacBook – This is the computer I use for all of my speaking presentations. Cost ~$2,000
  3. Data Projector ~$900

Total needed for technology – $5,900

Total fundraising needs – $25,900

I have to be honest this is an overwhelming amount for a small charity like ours. One thing I have heard from people over the years is that if I ever need help, I just need to ask. So this is me asking.

  1. Can you help? You can make a one-time donation or monthly donations through Canada Helps by clicking here. Some people support at $10 a month while for others they might be able to support at $50, $75 or $100 a month. For others, it is a one-time donation. Every donation helps, please don’t think that what you can contribute does not matter. “For anything great to happen, what is needed is a long obedience in the same direction.” Let’s make something great happen and do this together.
  2. Can the business you work for help? I know many companies offer donations to charities. Some businesses¬†want to do anonymous donations which are always ok. Some companies also do matching donations so if you donated $500 they will match and give another $500. Maybe you’d like to stretch your donation dollars by looking into your workplace giving plans.
  3. Do you know of any foundations that might be able to help? Please send through their information.
  4. Networking: If you cannot donate, would you be willing to send this to someone who might be able to? Would you consider telling your church, Christian or Catholic school and other networks about my talks so that they may look into bringing me in to speak to their group.
  5. Purchasing: You could help by purchasing a talk from our store. There are 4 books and 4 DVDs or digital downloads available. All money from these products goes back into the charity. Click here for the store.

I look forward to continuing to empower and equip students, parents, and leaders in tough conversations with your help. Please consider donating. If you have any questions please send me an email at brett@brettullman.com.

Thanks for your time.
Brett Ullman
Worlds Apart
www.brettullman.com

Brett Ullman: Topics for your Church, Conference, School or Camp

Hi Everyone,

I hope you all enjoying your summer. As we begin planning another school / ministry year I wanted to send out a blog with information on all of the talks that I do. Below is a list of the topics that I offer:

(1) The Walking Wounded – This talk is looking at how we as Christians can have a practical yet Biblical approach to help people struggling with mental health. It includes my own journey struggling with anxiety as well. It answers the question “What do you do when you or someone you love is struggling with Anxiety?”
Promotional Video – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GzLLIMTHz1I
Designed for: I do this talk for many Sunday morning church services as well as special nights for parents / students. In schools I do this for High School age.

(2) The.Sex.Talk (Parents Edition) is a version of my sex talk designed for parents. It is NOT a talk about the new Health Curriculum but a talk about how we as parents can help our kids create a Biblical worldview in the area of sex. It is meant to be very practical to help parents in this bridge these topics with our kids.
Promotional Video – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d8VI7Acaj6w
Designed for: Parents & a similar version for High School Students

(3) media.faith.culture – the disconnect – This is a fully re-done talk. This talk is a broad talk looking into how we connect our faith with our culture (music, movies, social media etc). Answering the question of how do we connect our ancient faith with our modern world.
Designed for: Grade 7-8 (Could be 6-8). High School & Parents. This is my most common talk for Sunday morning services, youth groups as well as Schools (Elementary and High School)

(4) The Porn Project – is my brand new talk on pornography. It is less about pornography and more about how we as Christians can break free from our struggles with this and how to help our kids in this journey as well
Designed for: Parents & High School Students

(5) Dating.for.life: The Questions РIn this new update of my dating for life talk I have gone back to the basics. In this new talk I answer 8 questions on dating: What is dating? When should I start dating? How do I start dating? How do I break up? etc.
Designed for: High School Students

(6) The Man Talk –¬†The Man Talk is what it sounds like – a discussion about what it’s like to be a Man today. It’s a real talk, a meat and potatoes approach to issues pressing us from all sides.¬†In this talk I challenge¬†men to be better husbands, fathers and boyfriends.
Designed for:¬†Men’s Breakfasts or special events¬†at church

If you are interested in any talk please let me know. you can find more information on each talk off of my www.brettullman.com website.

Thanks for your time,

Brett Ullman
Executive Director
Worlds Apart
www.brettullman.com

P.S. I also have a large resource blog on my website www.brettullman.com. You can just go to the site and click on the headings and find hundreds of great resources I have posted this past 2 years in categories like mental health, sex and porn, media, spiritual disciplines, parenting and many more.