What Teenagers Are Learning From Online Porn – NY Times

This is not an easy article to read but it is a very important one for us as parents and leaders so we can see where culture it as today and how we help our kids to have a better understanding of pornography. I don’t think most parents faith-based or not would want their kids to view pornography, but we all need to talk to our kids about pornography and teach them how to process what they might see:

American adolescents watch much more pornography than their parents know — and it’s shaping their ideas about pleasure, power and intimacy. Can they be taught to see it more critically?

Statistics are also scary:

On average, boys are around 13, and girls are around 14, when they first see pornography, says Bryant Paul, an associate professor at Indiana University’s Media School and the author of studies on porn content and adolescent and adult viewing habits. In a 2008 University of New Hampshire survey, 93 percent of male college students and 62 percent of female students said they saw online porn before they were 18. Many females, in particular, weren’t seeking it out. Thirty-five percent of males said they had watched it 10 or more times during adolescence.

For all the parents who tell me that they want to be the ones to talk to their kids about sex and porn we seem to be failing in this regard:

It’s not surprising, then, that some adolescents use porn as a how-to guide. In a study that Rothman carried out in 2016 of 72 high schoolers ages 16 and 17, teenagers reported that porn was their primary source for information about sex — more than friends, siblings, schools or parents.

Drew, who had once used porn as his main sex educator, was now thinking about sex differently. “Some things need to come to us naturally, not by watching it and seeing what turns you on,” he told me. The discussions about anatomy and fake displays of pleasure made him realize that girls didn’t always respond as they did in porn and that they didn’t all want the same things. And guys didn’t, either. Maybe that porn clip in which the nice, tender guy didn’t excite the girl was wrong.

In our church world, we need to look at how we can have better conversations on pornography. With many of today’s teenagers getting their sex education from pornography we have to look at how we can help parents have this conversation in their homes, and then assist them by equipping and empowering them in our churches.

This actually would fall under a larger topic of equipping parents to help their kids get a Biblical Worldview of healthy sexuality. This would encompass everything from pornography, sexuality, dating, media awareness, pregnancy, STI’s, etc.

Love to hear peoples thoughts.

Click here for the entire article.


The organization Fight The New Drug has put out a survey to see if you “Can you tell the difference between a summarized scenario from the Fifty Shades trilogy and a real #MeToo experience?”

Really interesting. Love to hear your thoughts.

Click here for the survey

How to be a better Father, Husband, and Boyfriend: The Man Talk

Numerous times each year I get a chance to come to churches and conferences and do a talk for guys. I thought I would post my entire talk: the Man Talk on youtube. Please share this with any guys you know.

The Man Talk is what it sounds like – a discussion about what it’s like to be a Man today. It’s a real talk, a meat, and potatoes approach to issues pressing us from all sides:

Being the best Father I can be.
What it’s like to be a Husband and a Servant.
Christian men and sex.

Boyfriend. Father. SON. Husband. Lover. Fixer. Buddy. Servant. Sexual. Boss. Hero. Boys Adrift. Friend. Guide. Daddy. Courageous. Loyal. Theirs. Mine.

Everybody needs a good talk at some point. And, this is one for you. Everyone’s welcome to the man talk – ladies, no jeering. We’re working on a talk for you too 😉

Real Men who aren’t afraid to talk about Man stuff, and who are better for it.

If you would like to bring me in to speak this talk to your guys just send me a message or visit my website

Truth Tellers: my speaking course is now on youtube for free!

For the last year, I have had a course on how to become a full-time speaker on the Udemy site (teaching site). I decided that I am going to place all of the videos on Youtube for everyone. These videos are basically everything I have learned in my 20+ years as a speaker. There are 68 videos you can go through each is short and easy to go through. No matter whether you speak once in a while, weekly, or full time I think there is good information here for everyone. If there are topics you want me to add let me know and I will make more videos.

Please share this with anyone who might be interested in any kind of public speaking.

Please subscribe so that you will be notified when the other videos go online.

On my youtube channel, you will find a playlist called Truth Tellers with all the videos.


Marijuana addiction is real, and teenage users are most at risk

Completly agree with this article.

In the rush to legalize marijuana in Canada, medical experts are warning about weed’s alarming side, particularly for younger users

But after five years of heavy use, Savoie noticed his short-term memory was starting to fray. He avoided talking to people. Worse, festering feelings of anxiety and depression were growing. He tried to mask them with weed, deepening his dependency. He upended his life, quitting his job and breaking up with his girlfriend, trying to find the source of his depression. Nothing worked. “Maybe it’s the drug use,” he recalls thinking, “because I’m constantly relying on it.” (Research shows a link between cannabis use and depression, but causality isn’t clear.) By that time, Savoie was using dabs, a highly concentrated form of marijuana, and he was still grappling with depression. After a minor argument with his sister at the family cabin, Savoie fled and barrelled back to the city in tears. He called a friend to take him to a mental health clinic. Savoie, who had been prescribed antidepressants a couple of weeks earlier, spent two hours with a doctor and was told what he already suspected: he had a dependency on marijuana that was affecting his mental health, and he had to quit.
A survey conducted by the Canadian Centre on Substance Abuse (CCSA), published last year, found that a majority of youth were unaware that cannabis can be addictive and lead to withdrawal symptoms.
Stats on this are something we all should take note of:

The risk of dependence among those who use marijuana is nine per cent (it’s 16 per cent for alcohol), and for those who start in adolescence, the risk rises to 16 per cent. “The more people who try it, the more people will become dependent,” says Anthony Levitt, chief of the Hurvitz Brain Sciences Program at Sunnybrook Hospital in Toronto. “It’s unavoidable.”

It is always important to have good definitions:

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders sets out a definition for cannabis dependence, including a strong desire to use marijuana, unsuccessful attempts to cut back and failure to fulfill obligations at work, school or home as a result.

Please take a few minutes to go through this long article from Macleans Magazine.

Click here for the entire article.

Keeping the Communication Lines Open

As parents communication with our children is paramount. This is a really good article on communication. Please take the time to read.

My parents when I was 7: “Go to your room!”
My parents now: “Come out of your room!”
—Paul, age 16

When I speak at parenting conferences, I usually ask parents how many of them are enjoying good communication with their teenagers. About 10 percent raise their hands. So, if you are having trouble communicating with your teen, apparently you are in the vast majority. When I ask parents if they communicated well with their parents when they were teens, again about 10 percent raise their hands. This doesn’t change the communication challenges you face or the possible hurt you experience, but it’s good to know you aren’t alone.

Click here for the entire article.