Brett.Ullman

Tag - parenting

10 Things I want my son to realize before he becomes a teenager.

Really enjoyed this blog for parents with boys. Enjoy.

My son and I are finding ourselves in a unique, transitional period right now. Not quite a teenager. Not quite a child. As we stand on the cusp of zits and body hair and raging hormones, I am beginning to think about the type of teenager I want him to be in a couple of years. And the type of man I want him to eventually become. There are so many life lessons I still want to teach him. There are so many crucial skills he needs to be a good man in a sometimes less-than-good world. Below are 10 lessons I want my son to learn before he becomes a teenager.

Click here for the entire blog.

Great Video: Json – Parent me

Parents this one is for you. Amazing lyrics. Please take a few minutes today to play the video (bottom of this blog) and follow along with the lyrics below. It will be worth your time.

Look at my life
Look at my pain
Look at my tears
These tears I shed
I feel so alone, with nobody to talk to
Cuz of the days that I spend without you
It’s like you’re here, but you’re gone (but you’re gone)
You’re here, but you’re gone (but you’re gone)
It’s like you’re here, but you’re gone (but you’re gone)
And you’re gone, gone, gone, gone away

I know you’re working, I appreciate your grind
You give me everything I need, but I really want your time (I want your time)
I must confess, it’s hard to express how I’m feeling
But I’m growing blocks of bitterness, quickly becoming buildings
Listen, you’re never home
To the point to that I don’t notice when you’re gone
I’m getting older, but I’m growing all alone (I’m all alone)
How can you raise me, without even knowing me?
Everything I do, is just to get you to notice me (I miss you)
Realize, you’re the great influence in my life
And you’re absence just might be what’s ruining my life (you’re ruing my life)
I got questions, but we don’t talk on the usual
My friends are having sex, and I’m wondering, should I do it too? (What should I do?)
Who should I go to, if you are never there? (Where?)
And if you never ask, will you ever be aware? (Be aware)
You say you care for me, you don’t get it apparently!
I’m young and just a child, I need my parent to parent me!

Look at my life
Look at my pain
Look at my tears
These tears I shed
I feel so alone, with nobody to talk to
Cuz of the days that I spend without you
It’s like you’re here, but you’re gone (but you’re gone)
You’re here, but you’re gone (but you’re gone)
It’s like you’re here, but you’re gone (but you’re gone)
And you’re gone, gone, gone, gone away

I know you’re hustling (I know), I see you on your grind
You give me everything I need, but I really want your time (I want your time)
I stay in fresh J’s, laced in new gear
But I would trade it all, if I’d only have you here
I smell the dough that you blowing, cuz it be so potent
Oh yeah, I notice, but you don’t think I’ma wanna smoke it? (I wanna blow)
I see your love for the streets, and I want that love too
You taught me to be hard, but you rarely tell me, “I love you” (I love you)(Please love me)
Moms be mad, she always be talking bad about you
But honestly, Dad, I don’t think I’ll become a man without you
And she be gone, matter of fact she never home
She come into work, and I’m living like I’m already grown
I gotta place to stay, then get ta shop at the mall
But I’ll honestly say, I don’t have no guidance at all
You say you care for me, but don’t know I can barely read
I’m young and just a child, I need my parents to parent me!

Look at my life
Look at my pain
Look at my tears
These tears I shed
I feel so alone, with nobody to talk to
Cuz of the days that I spend without you
It’s like you’re here, but you’re gone (but you’re gone)
You’re here, but you’re gone (but you’re gone)
It’s like you’re here, but you’re gone (but you’re gone)
And you’re gone, gone, gone, gone away

I know you’re in Church, I see your love for God (I do)
You give me everything I need, but I really need your time (I need your time)
Your godly life and love for people amazes me
But tell me should the Church take my mom and my dad away from me?
I say this simply, you know a lot spiritually
Involved in ministry, but often, you don’t remember me (Remember me?)
You teach the Youth and show them how to model and live (Yep)
But at home you’ve never shown me what the Gospel is (Father I need you)
How can you share with those seem direly hopeless?
Inside I cry, cuz we’ve never cracked the Bible open
And I’m dealing with pressure, and don’t know what to do
Know what it’s like to be the only Christian in your school?
I bump that 1-1-6, they tell me to live unashamed (I’m ashamed)
But that’s hard when those around you are on another thing
You study thoroughly, but don’t get it apparently!
I’m a babe in the faith, I need my parents to parent me!

Look at my life
Look at my pain
Look at my tears
These tears I shed
I feel so alone, with nobody to talk to
Cuz of the days that I spend without you
It’s like you’re here, but you’re gone (but you’re gone)
You’re here, but you’re gone (but you’re gone)
It’s like you’re here, but you’re gone (but you’re gone)
And you’re gone, gone, gone, gone away

Mama I need you.. And daddy I need you…

dk Leadership: Dream it. Do it.

On my blog, I want to help parents with some of the best resources I know. I have weekly conversations with parents who mention that they are struggling with communication issues with their teenagers. I would highly encourage all parents to go to Dr. Karyn’s website. Go into her resources section and purchase her book (The Teen Years) and most importantly the Analyze your Teen digital download set. This is one of the best resources I have seen on this. Look at what is in these 4 modules:

Module #1: Self-Esteem
Learn how you can build your child / teen’s confidence

Module #2: Communicating Effectively
Learn how to communicate effectively so that they listen to you

Module #3: Managing Emotions
Learn how to deal with emotions (stress, anxiety, depression)

Module #4: Teaching Responsibility
Learn why and how to set boundaries and teach responsibility

She also has great speaking events that I will be sending my own children in the upcoming years.

Click here for her website.

Are We Raising a Generation of Helpless Kids?

Some really good thoughts here for parents.

We’ve told our kids to dream big – and now any small act seems insignificant. In the great scheme of things, kids can’t instantly change the world. They have to take small, first steps – which seem like no progress at all to them. Nothing short of instant fame is good enough. “It’s time we tell them that doing great things starts with accomplishing small goals,” he says.

Kids need to align their dreams with their gifts. Every girl with a lovely voice won’t sing at the Met; every Little League baseball star won’t play for the major leagues.

Click here for the entire blog

How to Raise Religious Teens

Interesting read for those of us raising kids in the church world.

What happens is belief becomes a buffet and it is clear that only some of the items make their way to our plate. Inconvenient ideas like talking to people about our faith, or giving a percentage of our income to God are ignored. Quickly teens pick up that we nod agreement in church but have no intention of doing anything differently than last week.

Click here for the article.

Cheaters, Thieves, Scammers and Liars

Last month my family went to a farm for the afternoon during the Thanksgiving Season (Canadian Thanksgiving). This farm was awesome and had everything from a large corn maze, apple picking, tons of activities for kids and even an event where pumpkins were shot out of canons (my favorite). I had a great time with my family but I found it really interested some of the people the we encountered that day. There were 4 stories that really frustrated me that day:

1. Cheaters: we were in a barn and there was a small .25 cent machine to get food for the animals.  I was in line with my kids  and watched the lady in front of me watching the guy from the farm very closely. The moment the farmer left the bard she said to her young 4-5 year old  “You don’t have to pay, you just jiggle the machine and the food comes out” All I could think of was how this young girl is being taught at a very young age how cheating the system is ok as long as you don’t get caught.

2. Theives: When apple picking you choose the size of bag you want and then go pick your apples. While my family is picking apples there are a few parents and about 6 kids on the other side of the apple trees from us. The mother got all the kids together and told them to “Shove apples into your pocket”s as they were leaving and wanted to get more. Again another young kid said truth “But mom, is that not stealing.” The mother said that they paid for a bag and the little girl replied “But our pockets are not part of the bag”. Again truth from young kids.

3. Scammers: While picking Apples you could use a Wheel barrow to hold your apple bag. Once finished there were lots of signs that said please don’t take the wheelbarrows from the field. There was a place to leave them clearly marked off. As I was walking back with my own apples in hand I heard a father tell his family he would distract the farm guy while his family escapes with the wheel barrow to the car. To which the kid said “But dad we are not supposed to take the wheel barrow’s out of the field” The fathers response was to just ignore the little guys valid point.

4. Liars: at a certain time of the day the activity area for children closed down. I was coming back with my bag of apples to put them in the car and had to put the bag down. Just as a put the bag down a man came to his family which was directly beside me and told them “The area is closed down. Lets go over and tell them our cousins are in the area and they will let us in.” To which the 10 year old replied. “But our cousins are not in there. Its just us” To which the father told him to (and I quote) “Get with the program” I wondered how the father will like it when his son is doing the same things to him in upcoming years.

I am shocked at how many parents I saw in one day that seemed to have just quit parenting. What morals and values are these parents teaching these young kids? What was fascinating was that all of these kids knew better. All of them challenged their parents on what they were doing.

Parenting is a strategic, intentionally pursuit.

You need to teach your kids how they should be in life and one of the best ways to do this is to model it by your life. These parents are modelling the way to be Cheaters, Thieves, Scammers and Liars. I find it so interesting that in all these 4 stories the kids ALL knew the difference between what is wrong and right. How do we lose this as adults?

What do your actions as a parent say to your kids?