“I tried so hard and got so far, but in the end, it doesn’t even matter
I had to fall to lose it all, but in the end, it doesn’t even matter”
It’s one thing to hear the hopeless words of an honest man in an honest moment. We relate. We appreciate the honesty. But to hear Chester Bennington sing these words on the day he died, knowing death came in a truly hopeless moment, knowing that single moment steals the chance of any future hopeful moment, the words take on a different weight.
Please know you’re not the only one who hurts. You’re not the only one with questions and sadness and pain. If life feels nearly impossible, please know you’re not alone. Please know that it’s okay to be honest. You don’t have to fake it. You don’t have to play it cool. If you need help, please know you’re worth whatever help you need. If you need to talk to a counselor, if you need to call or text a hotline, if you need to step into treatment, it’s perfectly okay. You deserve whatever help you need.
Please stay alive, for every future moment. For the next album you’re going to love, for the best concert you haven’t been to yet, for your wedding or your husband or your wife, for the kids you have or dream of having. Stay alive to be surprised, by love and hope and help.
If someone you care about is struggling, please reach out. Please break the silence. Please cross the distance. Remind them they are loved. Remind them they deserve better. Encourage them to get help.
I agree that it is really important to have honest discussions about our mental health. Fully agree with this article.
But as much as I encourage people to be as open as they want to be regarding their mental health—after all, the more it’s discussed, the more informed people will be and the more we can chip away at this disabling stigma—it is possible to have too much of a good thing. As more and more people come forward to reveal their struggles, it seems others are jumping on the bandwagon, borrowing jargon from the DSM-5 and co-opting the pain. Nothing is more fashionable right now than anxiety disorders.
People have taken to exaggerating their everyday experiences and punctuating sentences with terminology appropriate for a psychiatrist’s office. They aren’t nervous about an upcoming work presentation; they have “bad anxiety.” They aren’t uncomfortable to go to a big party where they don’t know anyone; they have “social anxiety.” And they don’t get butterflies in their stomach; they have “panic attacks.”
Connection isn’t created by the things we go get, it is created by the things we go back to. So my invitation to you is simple. Don’t due something new. Find something you’re already doing with your friends, and families, and your intimate relationships, or within your communities, and do that thing over and over and over again. Do it with intention. Do it during the good times and do it during the mundane. So when the inevitable emotional storms hit you have your ritual to go back to. You have your very own anchor of connection.
Interesting stats on loneliness as a leader. Worth the time to read.
The authors cited survey findings that “half of CEOs report experiencing feelings of loneliness in their role, and of this group, 61 percent believe it hinders their performance. First-time CEOs are particularly susceptible to this isolation. Nearly 70 percent of first-time CEOs who experience loneliness report that the feelings negatively affect their performance.”
Your first reaction may be: cry me a river.
Corporate CEO behavior and lavish salaries haven’t exactly instilled empathy. Should we care if billionaires like Mark Zuckerberg or Jeff Bezos aren’t reaching the top of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs?
I would argue, any leader’s isolation has negative ramifications on others. And it’s not just CEOs who experience this kind of loneliness — it’s team managers, entrepreneurs, and community leaders too. In fact, anyone who finds themselves peerless can feel isolated. This isn’t good for decision-making, culture, or performance.
Thirdly, there are few specific statutory services targeted to helping middle-aged men. For example a recent Statistics Canada report noted that there were 627 shelters for abused women and zero for abused men, even though men make up around 50 per cent of abuse victims.