Men do not have to give up their masculine nature. They have to redefine it. They don’t need to be warriors for territory and power over others. They can be warriors for peace, the environment, social justice and equal rights.
Men do not need to become more like women. They need to become more fully human, more in touch with who they are, free to achieve their human potential, including the full range of emotional expression.
Social change happens one person at a time. When we change the way we raise boys, we will change the world.
As parents we must look forward at how we are launching our kids into being young adults and then adults. I really like this article on things our kids need to learn to do for themselves. I do think there is balance that needs to be had. The more my kids do for themselves the more I am open to helping them out in a jam. I tell my kids always that “I am for them” I think this article misses a little of the grace we all need some days but I love the idea of kids having to learn and grow themselves.
Great article I read this morning. I think it needs to be explained to not just kids but to people of ALL ages.
Other complex paragraphs were similarly condensed to sentences that were easier to digest:
“Don’t bully anyone or post anything horrible about people.”
“Officially you own any original pictures and videos you post, but we are allowed to use them, and we can let others use them as well, anywhere around the world. Other people might pay us to use them and we will not pay you for that.”
“Although you are responsible for the information you put on Instagram, we may keep, use and share your personal information with companies connected with Instagram. This information includes your name, email address, school, where you live, pictures, phone number, your likes and dislikes, where you go, who your friends are, how often you use Instagram, and any other personal information we find such as your birthday or who you are chatting with, including in private messages (DMs).”
I know your working and I appreciate your grind/
You get me everything I need but what I really want is time/
I must confess it’s hard to express how I’m feeling/
But I’m growing blocks of bitterness quickly becoming buildings/ Listen
Your never home/
To the point that I don’t notice when your gone/
I’m getting older but I’m growing all alone/ Question
How can you raise me without even knowing me/
See everything I do is just to get you to notice me/
Do u realize your a great influence in my life/
And your absence just might be what’s ruining my life/
I got questions but we don’t talk on a usual/
My friends are having sex and I’m wondering should I do it too/
Were do I go to if you are never there/
And if u never ask will you ever be aware/
You say u care for me/
You don’t get it apparently/
I’m young & just a child I need my parent to parent me/
Look at my life look at my pain look at my tears the tears Ive shed/
I felt so alone with nobody to talk to cause all the days that I spent without you/
Its like your here but your gone/ Yea your here but your gone/
Its like your here but your gone/ yea your yea gone your gone gone away/
I know your hustling I see you on your grind/
U get me everything I need But I really want your time/
I stay in fresh J’s laced in new gear/
But I’d trade it all if Id only have you here/
I smell the dodie you blowing cause it be so potent/
Ohh yea I noticed what you don’t think i’m going to gone & smoke it/
I see your love for the streets & I want that love too/
Taught me to be hard but rarely tell me I love you/
Moms be mad she always be talking bad about you/
But honestly dad I don’t think I’ll become a man without you
And she be gone matter of fact she never home/
She clubbing or working I’m living like I’m already grown/
I got a place to stay & can shine at the mall/
But I’ll honestly say I don’t have no guidance at all/
You say you care for me you don’t know I can barely read/
I’m young & just a child I need my parents to parent me/
I know your at church & I see your love for God/
U get me everything I need but I really need your time/
Your godly life & love for people amazes me/
But tell me should the church take my mom & my dad away from me/
I’ll say this simply/
You know alot spiritually/
Involved in ministry but often you don’t remember me/
U teach the youth group & show them how to model & live/
But at home you’ve never shown me what the gospel is/
I’ve seen you share with those seeming direly hopeless/
Inside I cried cause we’ve never cracked the bible open/
And I’m feeling this pressure I don’t know what to do/
U know what it’s like to be the only Christian in your school/
I bump that 1-1-6 they tell to live unashamed/
But that’s hard when those around you on another thang/
U study thoroughly/
Bur don’t get it apparently/
I’m a babe in the faith I need my parents to parent me/
The other night I was helping my daughter Zoe with something on her iPhone. I have to be honest when she passed me her phone and I looked at her home screen I was floored. It is a little hard to describe so below is a screen shot of her phone (all of this with her permission btw)
Every folder is categorized not by function but by colour
In the dock there is no Phone
In the dock there is no Email
In the dock there is no Messages
She would rather have 3 rows of available icon space blank then use it for something that does not fit her organizational strategy
What matters to Zoe most is YouTube, Instagram, Snapchat and Musical.ly. I asked her where her phone app is. “Green” she replied. “Camera?” I asked and without missing a beat she said “Grey”. “Email” … she paused for a sec and then say “Blue”.
I was interested to see if this was common amongst other teenagers (especially teen girls) so I posted on Facebook for people to share their home screens. Now all but 1 who replied were not teenagers. Most people who replied left the icons exactly where Apple put them originally. There were a few people who added small changes to their dock (Adding in a folder for all social media, adding in Spotify or other apps they use often). The majority still still had phone, email and messages in the dock. If you have a tween or a teen and they would be willing to post the front home screen I would love to see it in the comments on this blog or on Facebook.
Some thoughts for us as parents, educators and leaders:
This is a different and unique generation of students. We cannot just assume they will do things like us. Someone commented on my Facebook post that the way she had set up her phone was wrong. This message was deleted by the poster within the hour. Different is not wrong. A student doing things different than how you might do something just makes them someone who is thinking and choosing to do things their own way. I am actually quite proud of how she set up her phone. While at a Leadership Retreat at Muskoka Woods a number of years ago I read a quote on a TV that said:
“A Leader is someone who looks at the World and says it does not have to be this way … and then does something about it.”
My daughter decided that her phone did not have to be this way and then did something about it. I hope that this small trait I see in her phone use translates into how she lives her life. I hope she is willing to risk being different to do her life how she wants to live it and not just follow everything that her culture teaches her to follow.
I think we as parents and educators need to look at how we are teaching this generation. If this younger generation thinks different than us we must find new ways to engage them that might be different than how we were engaged. This is why in my talk on media I say to parents/educators it is so important to understand this generation and the culture they live in so that we can engage them in a way that they need to be engaged.
In our church world I think we need to be asking are we engaging these next generations how we wanted to be engaged or how they need to be be engaged? Doing things because “That is the way we always do them” is not a really good solution to properly engaging anyone. If those things we are doing are actually engaging students than keep it up but if they are not we need to look at how WE can change.
Anyway, Love to hear anyone else’s thoughts on this.
Talk to you soon
Really great article on Sexting. Something all parents (and students) should read. This is a prevention conversation not something you want to start dealing with after it has happened. I am getting emails or phone calls 2-3 times a month from people struggling with this from their kids as young as 12 years old.
Law enforcement agencies could have told her parents how truly ordinary their situation was. Sexting has gained a presence in every kind of school — rich and poor, urban and rural, big and small. As phones make their way into the hands of younger and younger kids, the incidents have grown more complex: Students collect their peers’ nude photos in passcode-protected Dropboxes, private Instagram accounts and apps disguised as calculators. In Massachusetts alone, the state police computer crimes unit gets multiple calls a month from schools needing its intervention.
The story hardly ends when punishment is handed out. For every “sexting scandal” reported, an unknown multitude of parents and teens — mostly girls — are just beginning to grasp what it means to live in a world where nothing digital ever truly disappears. What do you do when your 13-year-old takes photos of her body to impress a boy, and now she’s crying, stomping up the stairs, slamming her bedroom door screaming, “You don’t understand!”
Wow this is good. Parents watch this 10 minute video.
By loading kids with high expectations and micromanaging their lives at every turn, parents aren’t actually helping. At least, that’s how Julie Lythcott-Haims sees it. With passion and wry humor, the former Dean of Freshmen at Stanford makes the case for parents to stop defining their children’s success via grades and test scores. Instead, she says, they should focus on providing the oldest idea of all: unconditional love.