Brett.Ullman

Category - Loneliness

Research: Loneliness in the Church

For my research in Loneliness I am posting 1 area in which we experience loneliness per week and see how people feel in each area.

So far we have talked about:

  1. Loneliness in leadership
  2. Loneliness in mental health
  3. Loneliness in the workplace

This week we are looking at Loneliness in the Church. I have had many people message me already that they feel lonely in the Church world today. I have heard people talk about the disconnect between what the Church messages & songs content, and the disconnect with the modern church set up with stadium seating, 2 minute greeting time within the services, etc.

Love to hear any thoughts, quotes, books etc. You can post in the comments on all social media, this blog or send me an email/PM.

Thanks

The Simple Cure for Loneliness | Baya Voce | TEDxSaltLakeCity

Really good talk on connection and Loneliness.

Connection isn’t created by the things we go get, it is created by the things we go back to. So my invitation to you is simple. Don’t due something new. Find something you’re already doing with your friends, and families, and your intimate relationships, or within your communities, and do that thing over and over and over again. Do it with intention. Do it during the good times and do it during the mundane. So when the inevitable emotional storms hit you have your ritual to go back to. You have your very own anchor of connection.
Click here for the Youtube Link.

Do You Feel Lonely As A Leader? Study Says You’re Not Alone.

Interesting stats on loneliness as a leader. Worth the time to read.

The authors cited survey findings that “half of CEOs report experiencing feelings of loneliness in their role, and of this group, 61 percent believe it hinders their performance. First-time CEOs are particularly susceptible to this isolation. Nearly 70 percent of first-time CEOs who experience loneliness report that the feelings negatively affect their performance.”

Your first reaction may be: cry me a river.

Corporate CEO behavior and lavish salaries haven’t exactly instilled empathy. Should we care if billionaires like Mark Zuckerberg or Jeff Bezos aren’t reaching the top of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs?

I would argue, any leader’s isolation has negative ramifications on others. And it’s not just CEOs who experience this kind of loneliness — it’s team managers, entrepreneurs, and community leaders too. In fact, anyone who finds themselves peerless can feel isolated. This isn’t good for decision-making, culture, or performance.

Click here for the entire article.

Research: Loneliness in the Workplace

For my research in Loneliness I am posting 1 area in which we experience loneliness per week and see how people feel in each area.

So far we have talked about:

  1. Loneliness in leadership
  2. Loneliness in leadership

This week we are looking at loneliness in the workplace.

Love to hear any thoughts, quotes, books etc. You can post in the comments on all social media, this blog or send me an email/PM.

Thanks

Quit social media | Dr. Cal Newport | TEDxTysons

Great Ted talk. Well worth the time to watch. I am NOT saying we all need to quit social media. I do think we need to engage in social media carefully and not just with indifference.

… constant exports from your friends constant curated, positive portrayals  of their life. can leave you to feel inadequate and can increase rates of depression.

Fundamental mismatch between the way are brains are wired and this behaviour of exposing yourself to stimuli with intermittent rewards throughout all of your waking hours. Its one thing to spend a couple of hours at a slot machine in Las Vegas, but if you bring one with you, and you pull the handle all day long, from when you wake up to when you go to bed; we’re not wired from it. It short circuits the brain and we’re staring to find it has actual cognitive consequences, one of them being this sort of pervasive background hum of anxiety.

Love to hear your thoughts.

 

Research: Loneliness in Mental Illness

For my research in Loneliness I am going to post 1 area in which we experience loneliness per week and see how people feel in each area. Love to hear any thoughts, quotes, books etc

Last week I asked about Loneliness in leadership and I heard from leaders across the country about their struggles.

This weeks area is looking at loneliness in mental illness. This is a close one to my heart as I think much of my loneliness comes from my journey with anxiety, depression, panic attacks etc. Mental illness makes us live within our own heads and for me often separates from the world around me.

Love to hear any thoughts. You can post in the comments on all social media, this blog or send me an email/PM.

Thanks

Advice: creating a survey about Loneliness.

I am in the process of creating a survey looking at Loneliness and trying to make sure I ask the right questions. Would you mind reading the draft survey below and let me know what I am missing? Any thing I should take out? Any thoughts?
I am NOT asking you to do the survey but to look at the survey itself and make suggestions.
 
1. What is your age range?
[ ] Elementary School (K-8)
[ ] High School (9-12)
[ ] College / University
[ ] 20’s
[ ] 30’s
[ ] 40’s
[ ] 50’s
[ ] 60’s
[ ] 70+
 
2. Are you
[ ] Female
[ ] Male
 
3. Marital Status:
[ ] Single
[ ] Engaged
[ ] Married
[ ] Separated
[ ] Dicorced
[ ] Widowed
Comment (optional)
 
4. Do you have children
[ ] No
[ ] Yes, I have children in Elementary School
[ ] Yes, I have children in High School
[ ] Yes, I have children in College / University
[ ] Yes, I have adult children
Comment (optional):
 
5. Where do you live?
Drop down of all countries
 
6. If you had to answer only yes or no. Is loneliness a struggle you have?
[ ] yes
[ ] no
 
7. On a scale of 1 to 10 what would your experience with loneliness rate
[ ] 1 – not lonely
[ ] 2
[ ] 3 – mildly lonely
[ ] 4
[ ] 5 – moderately lonely
[ ] 6
[ ] 7 – very lonely
[ ] 8
[ ] 9
[ ] 10 – painfully lonely
 
 
8. In what area(s) do you experience loneliness
[ ] marriage
[ ] singleness
[ ] parenting
[ ] leadership
[ ] you’re an introvert
[ ] mental health struggles
[ ] physical health struggles
[ ] seniors
[ ] lack of close friendships
[ ] lack of authentic church community
[ ] sin and disobedience
[ ] life circumstances
[ ] other?
 
9. Do you feel stuck in this place of loneliness?
[ ] yes
[ ] no
 
10. What have you tried to break free from the loneliness?
[ ] exercise
[ ] faith (church)
[ ] counselling
[ ] sports
[ ] volunteer
[ ] build authentic friendships
[ ] go on a date
[ ] grow your relationship with your spouse
[ ] get a pet
[ ] movies
[ ] TV
[ ] Social media
[ ] read books
[ ] hobbies
[ ] journal
[ ] others?
 
11. Have you ever tried other ways of dealing with your loneliness
 
[ ] alcohol
[ ] drugs
[ ] overeating
[ ] self hard
[ ] pornography
[ ] shopping
[ ] sleep
[ ] others?
 
12. How many deep friendships do you have? Friends who authentically accept you and you can be yourself around.
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
comment (optional):
 
13. I feel most lonely when…
comment (optional):
 
14. I don’t feel lonely when…
comment (optional):
15. How do you think we got to this place of loneliness as a society?
comment (optional):
 
Thanks for any help.
 
Brett

Guy Winch: Why we all need to practice emotional first aid

Another great TED talk. check it out.

But what do we know about maintaining our psychological health? Well, nothing. What do we teach our children about emotional hygiene? Nothing. How is it that we spend more time taking care of our teeth than we do our minds? Why is it that our physical health is so much more important to us than our psychological health?

We sustain psychological injuries even more often than we do physical ones, injuries like failure or rejection or loneliness. And they can also get worse if we ignore them, and they can impact our lives in dramatic ways. And yet, even though there are scientifically proven techniques we could use to treat these kinds of psychological injuries, we don’t. It doesn’t even occur to us that we should. “Oh, you’re feeling depressed? Just shake it off; it’s all in your head.” Can you imagine saying that to somebody with a broken leg: “Oh, just walk it off; it’s all in your leg.”

Loneliness creates a deep psychological wound, one that distorts our perceptions and scrambles our thinking. It makes us believe that those around us care much less than they actually do. It make us really afraid to reach out, because why set yourself up for rejection and heartache when your heart is already aching more than you can stand? I was in the grips of real loneliness back then, but I was surrounded by people all day, so it never occurred to me. But loneliness is defined purely subjectively. It depends solely on whether you feel emotionally or socially disconnected from those around you. And I did. There is a lot of research on loneliness, and all of it is horrifying. Loneliness won’t just make you miserable; it will kill you. I’m not kidding. Chronic loneliness increases your likelihood of an early death by 14 percent.Fourteen percent! Loneliness causes high blood pressure, high cholesterol. It even suppress the functioning of your immune system, making you vulnerable to all kinds of illnesses and diseases. In fact, scientists have concluded that taken together, chronic loneliness poses as significant a risk for your long-term health and longevity as cigarette smoking. Now, cigarette packs come with warnings saying, “This could kill you.” But loneliness doesn’t. And that’s why it’s so important that we prioritize our psychological health, that we practice emotional hygiene. Because you can’t treat a psychological woundif you don’t even know you’re injured.

Click here if the link does not load.

Sherry Turkle: Connected, but alone?

One of the best TED talks I have heard in years. Please take a few minutes to watch this.

So just to take some quick examples: People text or do email during corporate board meetings. They text and shop and go on Facebook during classes, during presentations, actually during all meetings. People talk to me about the important new skill of making eye contact while you’re texting. People explain to me that it’s hard, but that it can be done. Parents text and do email at breakfast and at dinner while their children complain about not having their parents’ full attention. But then these same children deny each other their full attention. This is a recent shot of my daughter and her friends being together while not being together. And we even text at funerals. I study this. We remove ourselves from our grief or from our revery and we go into our phones.

When I ask people “What’s wrong with having a conversation?” People say, “I’ll tell you what’s wrong with having a conversation. It takes place in real time and you can’t control what you’re going to say.” So that’s the bottom line. Texting, email, posting, all of these things let us present the self as we want to be.We get to edit, and that means we get to delete, and that means we get to retouch, the face, the voice, the flesh, the body — not too little, not too much, just right.

How do you get from connection to isolation? You end up isolated if you don’t cultivate the capacity for solitude, the ability to be separate, to gather yourself. Solitude is where you find yourself so that you can reach out to other people and form real attachments. When we don’t have the capacity for solitude, we turn to other people in order to feel less anxious or in order to feel alive. When this happens, we’re not able to appreciate who they are. It’s as though we’re using them as spare parts to support our fragile sense of self. We slip into thinking that always being connected is going to make us feel less alone. But we’re at risk, because actually it’s the opposite that’s true. If we’re not able to be alone, we’re going to be more lonely. And if we don’t teach our children to be alone, they’re only going to know how to be lonely.

There’s plenty of timefor us to reconsider how we use it, how we build it. I’m not suggesting that we turn away from our devices, just that we develop a more self-aware relationship with them, with each other and with ourselves.

 

The Innovation of Loneliness

Great video.

What is the connection between Social Networks and Being Lonely?

I share therefore I am. We use technology to define ourselves. by sharing our thoughts and feelings even as we’re having them. Furthermore, we’re faking experiences so we’ll have something to share so we can feel alive. We slip into thinking that always being connected is going to make us feel … less alone. But we are at risk because the opposite is true. If we are not able to be alone we’re only going to know how to be lonely

Click here for the entire video if it does not load.