Brett.Ullman

Category - dating

Brett Ullman: Topics for your Church, Conference, School or Camp

Hi Everyone,

I hope you all enjoying your summer. As we begin planning another school / ministry year I wanted to send out a blog with information on all of the talks that I do. Below is a list of the topics that I offer:

(1) The Walking Wounded – This talk is looking at how we as Christians can have a practical yet Biblical approach to help people struggling with mental health. It includes my own journey struggling with anxiety as well. It answers the question “What do you do when you or someone you love is struggling with Anxiety?”
Promotional Video – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GzLLIMTHz1I
Designed for: I do this talk for many Sunday morning church services as well as special nights for parents / students. In schools I do this for High School age.

(2) The.Sex.Talk (Parents Edition) is a version of my sex talk designed for parents. It is NOT a talk about the new Health Curriculum but a talk about how we as parents can help our kids create a Biblical worldview in the area of sex. It is meant to be very practical to help parents in this bridge these topics with our kids.
Promotional Video – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d8VI7Acaj6w
Designed for: Parents & a similar version for High School Students

(3) media.faith.culture – the disconnect – This is a fully re-done talk. This talk is a broad talk looking into how we connect our faith with our culture (music, movies, social media etc). Answering the question of how do we connect our ancient faith with our modern world.
Designed for: Grade 7-8 (Could be 6-8). High School & Parents. This is my most common talk for Sunday morning services, youth groups as well as Schools (Elementary and High School)

(4) The Porn Project – is my brand new talk on pornography. It is less about pornography and more about how we as Christians can break free from our struggles with this and how to help our kids in this journey as well
Designed for: Parents & High School Students

(5) Dating.for.life: The Questions – In this new update of my dating for life talk I have gone back to the basics. In this new talk I answer 8 questions on dating: What is dating? When should I start dating? How do I start dating? How do I break up? etc.
Designed for: High School Students

(6) The Man Talk – The Man Talk is what it sounds like – a discussion about what it’s like to be a Man today. It’s a real talk, a meat and potatoes approach to issues pressing us from all sides. In this talk I challenge men to be better husbands, fathers and boyfriends.
Designed for: Men’s Breakfasts or special events at church

If you are interested in any talk please let me know. you can find more information on each talk off of my www.brettullman.com website.

Thanks for your time,

Brett Ullman
Executive Director
Worlds Apart
www.brettullman.com

P.S. I also have a large resource blog on my website www.brettullman.com. You can just go to the site and click on the headings and find hundreds of great resources I have posted this past 2 years in categories like mental health, sex and porn, media, spiritual disciplines, parenting and many more.

Case for the filming of my new talk dating.for.life: the questions

To whom it may concern,

It was 1996 when I did my first talk at a church in Pickering to a room full of high school students. Talking about music and media and how our faith plays a role in this. 10 years later I found my self speaking 45 times per year while still teaching full time with the Toronto District School Board. I left teaching that year and have been speaking full time with Worlds Apart since then.

In his book Holy Discontent Bill Hybels talks about finding out what your Holy Discontent (those things that continuously bother you) are and to walk into that space. That has been the theme for all of my talks for 19 years. Every few years I would add a talk (Self Harm, dating, men, sex, mental health and most recently pornography.

In the last 3 years I have had the chance to film my talks on Mental Health (The Walking Wounded), my talk on sex for parents (The Sex Talk) and my talk on pornography (The Porn Project).

One of the things I hear nightly from students, parents and leaders is the conversation on dating. Questions like “How should a Christian date in these modern times?” are asked almost nightly to me.

I have an older talk called dating.for.life that I have now put on youtube (see entire presentation below)

It is a look at all aspect of dating. It has been about 8-9 years since I created this presentation and I found myself needing to update that talk. I have a new version of my dating talk called dating.for.life: the questions. It basically goes over 8 main questions:

  1. What is dating?
  2. When should I start dating?
  3. Am I ready to start dating?
  4. How do I start dating?
  5. What are Red Flags in my dating relationships?
  6. How do I find out if they are the “One”?
  7. How do I break up?
  8. What if they are the right person for me?

As a speaker I am able to speak about 150 times a year. I am unable to speak at every church and school in the country. My filmed talks are being used in churches from California to England, from Vancouver to St. Johns. I receive emails from people using the DVD or Digital downloads to help equip people in their churches, camps and families to help people with mental health struggles, conversations on sex and helping equip parents and leaders in this tough conversation on pornography. This is the same I want to do with my new dating.for.life – the questions talk.

To do this project we are looking at raising $8,500

$5500 for filming and editing of the talk. It is the editing of the talk that is so time consuming as we need to incorporate a professionally designed Keynote presentation throughout the filmed talk. It gives people the same experience as if I was speaking live at their church or school. This includes a trailer for promotion.

$1000 – Creating Master copy of DVD, Creation of Graphics for DVD jacket and cover.

$2000 – printing of 1500 DVD’s.  The Talk is also put online on VimeoOnDemand.com

Total funds – $8500

We find as a small non for profit it is hard to raise funds. We are cut out of applying for most grants from foundations as we don’t reach their $250k minimum income. We are not looking at raising funds for day to day operations but raising the funds specifically for this project.

If you would like to chat please contact me at the email below. If you would like to make a donation please follow this link – https://www.canadahelps.org/dn/15850

Thanks for your consideration.

Executive Director
Worlds Apart (worldsapart.org)
Brett Ullman

brett@brettullman.com

 

Village Church – Marriage, Sex, Dating, Parenting Series

This past Fall I enjoyed listening to a series from Village Church in BC addressing some of the largest issues we are dealing with as Christians. As I say in my own talks there is such a disconnect with our Sunday’s from our Monday’s. We need to look at how we connect our faith with our world. PLEASE take some time and go through this entire  series. This is one of the most practical preaching series I have heard anywhere all year. Great thoughts, ideas and discussion on a range of tough topics.

For more information on Village Church please see their website here – http://www.thisisvillagechurch.com/

 

 

Dating for Life: The Questions – Now Available as an online course!

As I travel and speak to students/parents one of the questions I often get is about dating. I am excited to announce that I have filmed my new Dating for Life talk called The Questions! In this talk I have gone back to the basics answering 8 basic questions on dating:

  1. What is dating?
  2. When should I start dating?
  3. Am I ready to start dating?
  4. How do I start dating?
  5. What are Red Flags in my dating relationships?
  6. How do I find out if they are the “One”?
  7. How do I break up?
  8. What if they are the right person for me?

The talk is over 1 hour long and contains all of the slides from my Keynote presentation.

Simple and practical conversations on dating for High School & Young Adults.  At the end of each lecture there are questions that you can use either personally or in a small group setting. Please click here or the image below to go to the course.

udemy-dating-for-life

We Are the Generation That Doesn’t Want Relationships

Interesting thoughts on the young adult generation and dating. Written by a 20-something.

We want the façade of a relationship, but we don’t want the work of a relationship. We want the hand holding without the eye contact, the teasing without the serious conversations. We want the pretty promise without the actual commitment, the anniversaries to celebrate without the 365 days of work that leads up to them. We want the happily ever after, but we don’t want to put the effort in the here and now. We want the deep connection, while keeping things shallow. We long for that world series kind of love, without being willing to go to bat.

We want someone to hold our hand, but we don’t want to put the power to hurt us in their hands. We want cheesy pick up lines, but we don’t want to be picked up… for that involves the possibility of being set down. We want to be swept off our feet, yet at the same time remaining safely, independently, standing on our own. We want to keep chasing the idea of love, but we don’t want to actually fall into it.

We don’t want relationships – we want friends with benefits, Netflix and chill, nudes on Tinder. We want anything that will give us the illusion of a relationship, without being in an actual relationship. We want all the rewards and none of the risk, all of the payout and none of the cost. We want to connect – enough, but not too much. We want to commit – a little, but not a lot. We take it slow: we see where it goes, we don’t label things, we just hang out. We keep one foot out the door, we keep one eye open, and we keep people at arm’s length – toying with their emotions but most of all toying with our own.

When things get too close to being real, we run. We hide. We leave. There’s always more fish in the sea. There’s always another chance at finding love. There’s just such a little chance of keeping it these days…

Click here to read the entire blog.

Former Evangelical Pastor Rethinks His Approach To Courtship

Kissed Dating Goodbye is the #1 book people talk about when I speak my dating.for.life talk. I have seen people do well with his thoughts and I have seen people take some of his thoughts way to far. I was really pleased recently to read Joshua Harris in this interview. So rare these days to find anyone willing to critically analyze their own work.

HARRIS: I think I’m finally at a place where I’m really trying to listen to those voices. And I think it’s taken time for the consequences of the way that people applied the book and the way the book affected people to play out. And so I’m hearing these different voices saying, here’s how your book was used against me, here’s how it was forced on me, or here’s how I tried to – no one forced it on me, but I tried to apply it and it had this negative consequence in different ways.

I’m trying to go back and really evaluate, you know, where did my book contribute to that? Where was it too stringent? And where was that me and what I was writing, and where was that – the families and the church cultures and so on? So I feel like I’m on the front end of a process to help people in some way if I can apologize where needed and re-evaluate where needed.

HARRIS: Well, you’re exactly right. I believe that the Bible does give certain commandments and guidance and so on. I think, though, that it’s really easy for Christians to take truths from God’s word and principles and then in subtle and sometimes not so subtle ways add extra human regulation onto it. For example, there are clear things in statements in Scripture about our sexuality being expressed within the covenant of marriage. But that doesn’t mean that dating is somehow wrong or a certain way of dating is the only way to do things.

Click here for the entire article.

It’s Not ‘Cute’ When Dads Threaten My Son For Dating Their Daughter

Wow, such a great article.

If you’d like to protect your daughter, raise her in such a way that she can protect herself. Give her the tools to decipher a dangerous situation. Teach her the language of consent and how to exit a situation that makes her uncomfortable. Help her be confident about her decisions, and show her how to make good choices about the people she spends time with. Take the time and be involved in her life.

Protect your son in the same ways. And, for goodness sake, if you have good reason to distrust their judgment, make sure their activities are safe and monitored.

Above all, realize and come to terms with the fact that teenage sexuality is not a “boy thing.” Teenage sexuality is a teenage thing. Young men and young women alike are going to be curious, interested, and looking to learn more about sex.

Your daughter is just as curious as my son, I can virtually guarantee it. Yet you don’t see me polishing a shotgun when she comes over to do homework. You don’t see me posting pictures on Facebook with watered-down threats about personal harm should I find out she gets handsy with my son.

The idea of threatening young women to keep their hands off young men is ludicrous, yet when roles are reversed it’s completely accepted and even encouraged. Why? In order to raise a generation of kind and respectful men we have to stop telling our boys they’re inherently bad (but it’s not their fault because hormones).

Click here for the entire article.

Everything My Church Taught Me About Sex and Marriage is Wrong

Some really good points here.

Most talks and sermons on physical intimacy and marriage are compartmentalized. It is about sex… and then marriage, or it is about marriage… and then sex. Sex becomes an “add-on” to marriage much like a shed out back is an “add-on” to a house. It doesn’t have anything to do with the actual relationship, nothing to do with the structural integrity of the house itself. It’s just a bonus.

Because of this, my understanding of sex became naturally one-sided. What I heard was, “I’m going to love having sex. It will make me feel great.

Click here for the entire article.

“Dating.For.Life 2.0” Resources – 26 Links & 100 Questions

With my new talk on dating now finished I have a ton of new resources. I figured I might as well send them out in a blog. Below are the 26 blogs, articles and websites that were the foundation for my new talk. Below that are all of the questions (100 questions) that you need to go through as you are growing in your dating relationship.
At the bottom of this list is also a link to my entire dating.for.life original talk.

Read More